That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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