Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I can feel your judgement through the phone
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
