i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
