I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize