i need an iv and a liver transplant
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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