I think I am morally bankrupt
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
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