you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
