just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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