thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
