you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
