he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
