I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
