you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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