If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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