fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize