I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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