How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
