i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
