My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize