There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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