It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
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