My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
