come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
