dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Even my vagina gasped.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
