I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
