Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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