you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
