put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize