Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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