3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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