i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
