DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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