Me too!
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
