last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Randomize
