I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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