I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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