sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
