you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
