I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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