I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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