yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
