Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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