I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
