mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
