so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
