Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
