Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
the liver wants what the liver wants
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
