It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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