tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
