we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Couch. On fire.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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