so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
