I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
