I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
