We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
