Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
