Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
