i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
