"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
handjob tips. give me some.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
